I have a hard time caring about skincare
Before I started working at a pharmacy with an expansive beauty section my skincare routine consisted of Ivory soap on my face and body in the shower once a day, with some lotion after, also on my face and body. I didn’t use cleanser specifically designated for facial use, I didn’t use facial lotion, I didn’t use toner, I didn’t use anything really.
When I was assigned to stock the beauty section with my coworkers, I inevitably heard their conversations about skincare, as we were all women and this is often a subject of conversation women have as a point of common interest in order to bond. And stocking the skincare section got me to pay attention to the huge variety of skincare products available in a way that I never had before. And they used pretty, attractive packaging and pleasant scents as a marketing technique to draw women in, and it worked. I found myself wanting to use a lot of the products simply because they looked cute and smelled nice and deep down I’m basic.
Of course, these products also used other, more harmful forms of advertising that I fell for as well. They used images of airbrushed, touched-up faces of women to make people believe, to make me believe, that skin not only can look that perfectly smooth, ageless, and blemish-free, but that it should. And every time I looked in the mirror all I could see was the blackheads lining my nose and cheeks and chin and suddenly caring about my skin had equated to me hating it and needing to “fix” it.
When I bought new cleansers, I didn’t just go for affordable, simple facial cleansers, I specifically bought products geared towards acne and blackhead removal, even though I didn’t need them. The consequence was that my skin didn’t take well to these products and I ended up breaking out when I didn’t have an issue with breaking out on that level before. And in my pursuit to achieve a look that wasn’t real to begin with, I got caught up with trying out as many different products offered, without doing proper research into them.
I didn’t know about all of the acids needed to exfoliate the skin, and all of the harmful ingredients in many of the products to avoid. I didn’t know what type of skincare products I needed to use to have an efficient skincare routine in the first place. And honestly, I still struggle sometimes to fully embrace the idea of skincare being useful. I know that it is. I know it’s not just about trying to achieve the perfect look that is sold to us by these big companies, that it’s not just superfluous fluff about beauty. It’s more than a superficial concern, the right routine can protect your skin from the harsh effects of winter and from skin cancer-inducing UV exposure.
More than that though, a skincare routine can provide a sense of control and order in a chaotic, disorderly world. Skincare is sometimes dismissed as a con, not only because of these companies that perpetuate harmful, unattainable beauty ideals, but also because of the way our patriarchal society tends to demean anything associated with femininity as being unnecessary, vain, and indulgent. The patriarchy convinced women that our value is in our looks and then it mocks us for the way we invest ourselves in our looks. But I realize that skincare can be good for your mental health.
When struggling with the lows of my depression, the one thing I often feel good about myself for accomplishing on a day-to-day basis is taking the steps necessary to take care of my skin. Washing my face, applying moisturizer, occasionally using a face mask, and applying these various products in a specific order, with a designated amount of time dedicated to each step is sometimes the only ordered, structured part of my day when the rest of it consists of me sleeping or just listlessly dragging myself through an otherwise empty, pointless feeling day.
And when I find myself berating myself for being unproductive trash, as I often think of myself, I can at least take a small comfort that at least I washed myself up, at least cleansed my face, at least I moisturized. And when you spend much of your time sh*tting on yourself for what little you accomplish, getting through even a simple skincare routine feels like a win.
So I still struggle to care about skincare the way I see other women do. I still feel flabbergasted when I see people applying an eleven-step routine utilizing products whose purpose I still can’t really understand. I still see the huge array of products offered in stores and various beauty articles that make me feel like I’m not nearly doing enough to take care of myself and wonder things like what the hell is the difference between a purifying mask and a mattifying one and is that something I need to worry about? But it does serve its purposes, even if only to make me feel better about myself. And I won’t let toxic beauty standards and patriarchal scorn take that from me.
